Articles

Quest for Maleness: WORKING WITH EMOTIONS

Everyone knows how good it is to converse with a like-minded individual. I had the pleasure this past while to do just that☺ I found myself appreciating this interaction immensely, especially as I meet with my closest friends and family in one physical space only a few times during a year, so I really miss this kind of close communication.…

Quest for Maleness: RELATING IN THE MOMENT

Last week I had a lot of things to do! The shower was leaking, the car’s wheels were out of balance - stuffed with mud, the balcony was full of trash, the trees that beavers had “cut down” needed to be pulled out from the forest before new grass could grow tall, my son’s problems at school should be continued to be tackled, etc...…

Quest for Maleness: CONSTRUCTION OF EMOTIONS

CONSTRUCTION OF EMOTIONS Paying attention to the little details and subtle nuances has been quite a challenge for me these past weeks! My real-estate project manager is having a 2-week vacation and as a result I have had a double workload with critical project deadlines. One practical example - under time pressure, details in construction can easily be overlooked and…

Quest for Maleness: POWER IN GOLF AND LIFE

POWER... IN GOLF AND LIFE I used to make a golf swing that was a really powerful effort! Lol! Now I am swinging with effortless power and enjoying the game of golf more than ever! What did I do to get from expending untold energy to what is for me now an effortless pleasure? Since arriving home from the Quest…

Quest for Maleness: SKILL IN ACTION

“WHEN THE WARRIOR ENCOUNTERS ANYTHINGEXTRAORDINARY HE BEHAVES AS IF NOTHING HAS HAPPENED” I was serving my children dinner. My 14 and 12 year old sons came into the kitchen arguing (as they often do). It got physical and I asked them to stop. My 14 year old then shoved his younger brother against the wall sending his food on to…

Quest for Maleness: NOT KNOWING

I am amazed to what lengths I go to maintain a self-image that “I know” – -when in fact I KNOW I have no clue! LOL! I can just see the eyes of females rolling back into their heads at my past attempts at trying to explain something! On Sunday, I attended a concert with Elizabeth at Kirstenbosch Gardens, a…

Quest for Maleness: INCLUSIVENESS AND STRENGTH WITHIN DIVERSITY

For as long as I can remember I have found and worked with Groups of people who strive not only to achieve a common purpose, but who also simultaneously use the medium with which they work to learn about themselves and each other. Through working with these many and diverse people over the many years that I have lived, I…

Quest for Maleness: The Power of the Little Things - FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

I am using the Rule: “FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE” for some years already and I really have seen that it works and also how it works.The other day I was supported in a lovely way in regards to this but before I share my practical example of that, let me briefly show how the Toltec Teachings are so interrelated and…

Quest for Maleness: FIGHTING SOCIAL CONDITIONING VERSUS PASSING IT ON

As parents, no matter what we do, we seem automatically to fall into a trap of feeling guilty about not doing a good enough job as a parent! I am always trying to strive to detach myself from this sense of guilt, because my little son very quickly learned how to exploit my sense of guilt - by manipulating me!…

Quest for Maleness: SHIFTING THE FOCUS

There is never a dull moment living in South Africa! Our president is all over the place, undermining the institutions that expose his corruption, or firing ministers that oppose him and then prevaricating when there is the inevitable public outcry. As a result our exchange rate has worsened considerably against the USD and EUR.?? What a male leader role model I…

Quest for Maleness: ABILITY TO ACT

There is a myth concerning males that they are aggressive. The society we live in conditions us to suppress our gentleness and warmth. However, like all myths, there is a truth concealed inside this myth and that is that not only must the males must be prepared to fight for freedom, but that the true males is also a gentle…

Unveiling the Mysteries of the Female: IS YOUR FEMALE MONTHLY CYCLE A PERIOD OF BEAUTY AND WONDER?

I attended a Mysteries of the Female course in 2013 and it really supported me to make sense of my life as a female. It helped me understand and acknowledge a lot of my internal dialogue, feelings and struggles that I experienced throughout my everyday life. I got so many insights into what it means to be female, what…

Quest for Maleness: PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS / THE WEAK FATHER II

A pattern of behaviour I developed as a result of having a weak father as a role model was a tendency towards a total lack of commitment. Id avoid the very concept of commitment like the plague, irrespective of whether it was a commitment in a relationship, a commitment to an ideal, a commitment to a project, whatever! And…

Unveiling the Mysteries of the Female: WHO NEEDS TO CHANGE .. FIRST?

I still see so much responsibility dumped onto men about how they should be and how they need to change. Sure, men have their own learning to do and they want us to change too, but I had had enough and still have had enough of what I see as making them solely responsible and battling this out about…

Unveiling the Mysteries of the Female: I CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING ON MY OWN!

I am tired of being the tough cookie in a sense of I can handle everything on my own . In my childhood I was always around boys, men, or they were around me LOL. My choice, of course! And the way I was trying to fit in with them was either behaving like them, or when I perceived I…

Quest for Maleness: TRUE THINKING

Last week I was traveling back to my home city. It was a long journey. I had not had enough sleep, I had high fever, I was dizzy - and irritable too! At the airport in Vienna, the first stop of my long journey home, an old lady approached me on hearing me speak her native language. She was a…

Quest for Maleness: PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS / THE WEAK FATHER

I grew up with a father who just loved to pretend he was weak! His favourite past time was to isolate himself from the rest of the family and then proceed to drown himself in self-pity! As a young boy I have plenty of memories of my father in that state of being and I clearly remember feeling helpless to…

Quest for Maleness: PAYING ATTENTION

Attention must indeed be developed, for in un-evolved man the attention is very weak, and therefore is his awareness also poor. Because attention is an act of will we have commands like, "Pay attention." But to pay attention implies being wide-awake, being present in the NOW. We cannot pay attention when we are half asleep, or when we are either…

Quest for Maleness: REALITY AND MYTH II - MEN MUST BE SUCCESSFUL

One of the biggest clichés in modern developed societies, especially the western ones, is that men must be successful. What comes to mind immediately is the stereotype of the successful man, of the man who has made it out there in the big wide world. In particular, the North American societies go so far as comparing the successful man, whom…

Quest for Maleness: ATTENTION AND FOCUS

"Attention is not what you have become conditioned into believing it is. Attention is a true pause. To pause implies being suspended without internal dialogue - a state of awareness in which there is total objectivity, detachment and respect." Attention is something that is not from the mind. In this respect I use my body very much in the process…

Quest for Maleness: CREATIVE LIVING

I just love this following process of creation! It entails my relying on my own inner warmth and it unfolds like a pregnant pause stage until I give birth to the new! In the previous post called Watch, enjoy, listen and learn http://www.institute-for-the-study-of-man.com/articles/item/117-quest-for-maleness-br-watch-enjoy-listen-and-learn I shared about the W.E.L.L. or: Watch Enjoy, experiment, explore Listen Learn Now Id like to describe…

Quest for Maleness: WATCH, ENJOY, LISTEN AND LEARN

My New Year reflections for 2016:- I remember the words Do your homework and THEN you can go and play! implication being that homework is NOT play!:-( So how can I bring back the fun into the process of my learning and not see fun as just entertainment? How can I be spontaneous and child-like, but not be…

Quest for Maleness: HAVING TO BELIEVE BY STANDING UP FOR MYSELF

More than a year ago I made a decision to challenge myself to face my fear of exposing my vulnerable side with people. I did this by being committed to taking action and to taking risks. Recently I have had an opportunity to re-look at this challenge, and as there have many benefits that I have experienced during this last…

Quest for Maleness: WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE REAL IN OUR DAILY LIVES?

For a long time I denied that I had a fear of standing up in front of a group of people! Once I acknowledged this, that is, the REALITY of my situation, I was then able to confront this within myself - and then to do something about it by putting myself in situations where I can confront this fear!…

Quest for Maleness: INTELLIGENT COOPERATION: WHERE TO FROM HERE?

Am I providing a clear lead in initiating intelligent cooperation? In all areas of my life? My immediate answer? "No, I am not providing such a lead!" frown emoticon But then it dawned on me that by admitting this, I had just taken my first step to cooperating intelligently - with mySelf!! LOL! In response to my last post on…

Quest for Maleness: Reality and Myth

Have you grown up in a society where you had to listen to all sorts of stories concerning what it means to be a man - as well as what men do in various real life situations? After a certain point, did you get the feeling that what you were being fed by the men around you was nothing more…

Quest for Maleness: Big Brother and Men Don't Cry

Do you feel helpless against Big Brother? Are you one of those men who keep wondering how to fight against it? Most of us are familiar with the term Big Brother. We use it in order to describe the current status of a centralised control that has been imposed upon us in most developed countries. The context within which this…

Quest for Maleness: Intelligent Cooperation

Am I, are we, as males, providing a clear lead in initiating intelligent cooperation in all areas of life? What makes life possible? A bee collecting pollen whilst fertilising flowers? A husband and wife creating a family? Atoms of hydrogen and oxygen bonding together to make life sustaining water...? Quite simply, it is intelligent cooperation! It is a way of…

Quest for Maleness: The Strength of Being Vulnerable

The other day I was amongst friends and we were exploring the way forward with our mutual endeavor. I kept suggesting an idea, but in my perception this idea was not given space. Then I felt very vulnerable as something inside of me, that did not make any sense at all, was creating some pressure in me! It was a…

Quest for Maleness: Transmuting the Negative in Four Steps

In this, nature is my constant inspiration. Look how the little oyster transmutes the grain of sand that is irritating and transforms it in the end into a pearl. The other day I had many little things to do but Mr. Procrastination raised his voice!! Being wide-awake I did the 4 steps below - on and on!! LOL! I was…

Quest for Maleness: Using the Power of Choice in my Daily Life

The other day I went to buy a travel bag. The shop I had in mind was closed. However, I did not submit to my momentary wavering and distracting emotion, but continued on my journey to buy my bag. Shortly I found another shop where there were also bags, although it was not a specialised bag shop. I went inside,…

Quest for Maleness: Having to Believe

Last month I was preparing to leave Chile for an upcoming trip to Greece. In the midst of this preparation I had a break in into my car and my EU (German) passport was stolen!! Although I now live in Chile, I have a German passport via my late biological father and a South African passport from being born and…

Quest for Maleness: Mapping Out The Unknown

When I was leaving a town in Chile that I had visited for business over the weekend recently, in my haste to get back on the road, I received a traffic violation!!! The official took my drivers license away!!!! The official advised me that I needed to present myself to my local authorities to pay the fine on the date…

Quest for Maleness: The Purpose Behind Evolution

I must admit that I started with just about zero clue what I am to do with my life - and just absorbed from others. It is not necessarily a bad thing, no! I learned good values from my mother and saw the example of my father reaching for his dreams with passion and perseverance. But it still did not…

Quest for Maleness: Things Change - And Evolve

One of the most revealing insights I came across is that the evolution of life occurs along two different streams. During my years of study of geography, I absorbed as much as I could about how the natural world around me worked. The shapes of mountains, the frozen flow of glaciers, the lush forests, the flukes of weather and millennial…

Quest for Maleness: Words and their Trap

Being a trained litigator and a practicing lawyer, I come across the concept of words and their trap on a daily basis. My challenge begins at the very first appointment with a new client. Most people who face a legal challenge have already decided what the challenge is about - as well as what has to be done, before they…

Quest for Maleness: Being Aware of Another Person's State of Being

To do this, begin with your own state of being. Place the focus on the positive. Begin by giving yourself and those around you credit for what you and they are doing right. It is so easy to criticise, to break down and to point out failure. But how often do you register what that does to your state of…

Quest for Maleness: Using Conflict to Uncover New Knowledge

ONLY THROUGH CONFLICT CAN NEW KNOWLEDGE COME INTO BEING" "People fear conflict instead of welcoming it. This does not mean that you must go around picking a fight with all and sundry, but it does mean that when conflict does arise of its own accord, then you should not run away from it, but face it, own it and use…

Editorial: What does it mean to relate?

Clonea Strand Hotel - 16th, 17th and 18th September, 2011 Have you ever asked yourself, how well do I relate to others? How well am I connected to others? How well do I relate to myself? How well am I connected to myself? RELATIONSHIPS can go one of two ways. We can connect with one another in a co-operative way…

Editorial: Lessons in Love

Soul mate, two little words, one big concept. A belief that someone somewhere is holding the key to your heart and your dream house. All you have to do is find them. So where is this person? And if you had someone and it didn\'t work out, does that mean they weren\'t your soul mate? ..... Carrie Bradshaw, SATC So does Mr. Right exist? While…

Editorial: Learn how to put your relationships back on course

Elizabeth Schnugh helps people use their issues with others to discover more about themselves, says Constance Harris. CONSIDERING how, from the moment a sperm meets an egg and a being starts to form, we are never alone, the constant, most challenging issue we face as human beings, tends to be our relationships with others. Relationships define how we feel about…

Article: Where have all the Heroes Gone?

There is a growing refrain today of what has happened to turn men into powerless asexual softies that are at the mercy of everyone and everything? Having lost their confidence to express their maleness in case it is frowned upon as being anti-social, men everywhere are becoming more and more withdrawn and secretly aggressive in a vain attempt to suppress…

Article: Using your emotions

Nowadays more and more people are becoming aware of how important it is to recognise and express their emotions, as opposed to just suppressing them. The stiff upper lip of the English way is gradually being superseded. Sadly, though, there is still little understanding of what emotions really are, and what it means to express them. Equally importantly, there is…

Article: Friendship

Question: Why is it the love of true friendship that will turn the world around? Answer: Friendship is a relationship, and believe me, by FAR the most DIFFICULT of all relationships to build, for it does not have the convenient support mechanisms inherent within say, a marriage, or a business relationship, or even the relationship between a parent and child!…

Article: Where have all the Heroes Gone?

INTRODUCTION (Written for the male course held at Hopefield on the weekend of 28-30th. May, 1999) When I look around in the world today, it is with a deep sense of anguish that I still hear echoing in my ears the haunting words of a female friend who asked, Where have all the heroes gone? Yes! Indeed! What has happened…

Article: How to Handle Fear

Many events in the world today are shaking the foundations of people\\\'s lives, uprooting their sense of security and permanence. Fuelled by sensationalist media coverage, it\\\'s easy to allow these events to build a whirlpool of fear and to leave people feeling powerless. However, there are steps we can take to help us cope when we are confronted with uncertainty…

Editorial: Elizabeth Schnugh and ISM

Feeling that life has let you down and that fate has treated you unfairly? Of course you are one among many in a time where depression and despair are becoming increasingly prevalent by the day. But you needn\'t continue to feel that you are a loser, according to Elizabeth Schnugh of the Institute for the Study of Man. The first…

Article: Relationship with Self

Question: I feel so ashamed of my past behaviour, but I have also come to realise that if I am going to save my marriage I cannot continue to indulge in my feelings of unworthiness because of my past actions. Answer: It is good to see that you are FINALLY standing up and fighting for yourself! It is impossible to…

Article: Parenting

Question: Théun and Elizabeth, If there is enough interest for a World of the Little People course, then I would love to attend. I must admit when I read that there was such a course, I assumed that only I and a handful of others could possibly be interested (those who have young children). Answer: I can truly recommend the…

Article: Divorce

Question: Théun, my wife and I have decided to separate for now. Can you offer us any guidance on where to from here? Answer: Your marriage had to come to this sooner or later, for as you well know, I have been pointing out to you and your wife all along that there is no warmth in your marriage, let…

Article: Sex

Question: At the moment I am facing a challenge in my relationship with my partner, with regards to intimacy. Everything in our relationship seems to be running smoothly, we communicate, and both make an effort to co-operate intelligently, some times better than others. The issue is with sex; we both seem to have lost interest, and we are not very…

Article: Romantic Relationships

Joe and Martha, an otherwise normal couple, had problems communicating. Whenever Joe would voice an opinion, Martha would interrupt him in mid-sentence because she felt she knew exactly what he was going to say. Then, she would go off on a wild tangent while Joe became frustrated and lost. He would retreat into his private world, wondering what had become…

Article: Relationship with Parents

Question: Théun, I am feeling a revulsion towards my father. He disgusts me. He is so fat and ugly and does not take care of himself or have any self respect. He tells lies constantly and shovels sentimental crap at me about when we (siblings and myself) were kids (mostly remembered in some fantasy not truth). Dad was a real…

Article: Stepping over versus suppressing emotions

In the books of Théun Mares there is a lot of information about how to use our emotions, and also not suppressing our emotions. Here Théun highlights the main differences between suppressing and stepping over our emotions. First of all, realise that suppression means the suppression of one's KNOWLEDGE of something. For the sake of clarity we speak of suppressing…

Article: Business Relationships

Business partnerships present a great challenge for many people. Even though the idea of sharing responsibilities can seem attractive, the reality of everything that a partnership truly involves also raises a lot of fears. Will this partnership really work? How can two people actually run the business? Will I end up doing all the work? These are just some of the questions…

Article: Marriage

I had been in a relationship for several years before coming to do the ISM courses. We were not married, and I hadn't seen that as being a particular "problem" as such. I had seen friends married and then divorced. Similarly, I had seen friends who chose to live together and not marry, and be seemingly happy in their lives.…

Article: Playing the Nice Guy Ruins Our Kids as well as our Society

If one looks beyond the face value of the violence and chaos that is occurring all over the world today, it becomes clear to see that the real motivating force is man's inherent, albeit mostly unconscious, drive towards seeking harmony through conflict. Inside each and every one of us is the instinct for survival, and therefore also the intuitive recognition…

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">WORKING WITH EMOTIONS</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">RELATING IN THE MOMENT</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">CONSTRUCTION OF EMOTIONS</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">POWER IN GOLF AND LIFE</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">SKILL IN ACTION</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">NOT KNOWING</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.6em">INCLUSIVENESS AND STRENGTH WITHIN DIVERSITY</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.64em">The Power of the Little Things - FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.6em">FIGHTING SOCIAL CONDITIONING VERSUS PASSING IT ON</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">SHIFTING THE FOCUS</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">ABILITY TO ACT</span>

<span style="font-size:0.8em">Unveiling the Mysteries of the Female:</span><br/><span style="font-size:0.5em">IS YOUR FEMALE MONTHLY CYCLE A PERIOD OF BEAUTY AND WONDER?</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.7em">PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS / THE WEAK FATHER II</span>

<span style="font-size:0.9em">Unveiling the Mysteries of the Female:</span><br/><span style="font-size:0.9em">WHO NEEDS TO CHANGE .. FIRST?</span>

<span style="font-size:0.9em">Unveiling the Mysteries of the Female:</span><br/><span style="font-size:0.8em">I CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING ON MY OWN!</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">TRUE THINKING</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.7em">PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS / THE WEAK FATHER</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">PAYING ATTENTION</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.68em">REALITY AND MYTH II - MEN MUST BE SUCCESSFUL</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">ATTENTION AND FOCUS</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">CREATIVE LIVING</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.8em">WATCH, ENJOY, LISTEN AND LEARN</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.62em">HAVING TO BELIEVE BY STANDING UP FOR MYSELF</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.65em">WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE REAL IN OUR DAILY LIVES?</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.64em">INTELLIGENT COOPERATION: WHERE TO FROM HERE?</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">Reality and Myth</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">Big Brother and Men Don't Cry</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">Intelligent Cooperation</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.9em">The Strength of Being Vulnerable</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.9em">Transmuting the Negative in Four Steps</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.8em">Using the Power of Choice in my Daily Life</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1.0em">Having to Believe</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1.0em">Mapping Out The Unknown</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">The Purpose Behind Evolution</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">Things Change - And Evolve</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:1em">Words and their Trap</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.8em">Being Aware of Another Person's State of Being</span>

Quest for Maleness:<br/><span style="font-size:0.8em">Using Conflict to Uncover New Knowledge</span>

Editorial:<br/>What does it mean to relate?

Editorial: <br/>Lessons in Love

Editorial: <br/><span style="font-size:0.7em">Learn how to put your relationships back on course</span>

Article: <br/>Where have all the Heroes Gone?

Article: <br/>Using your emotions

Article:<br/>Friendship

Article: <br/>Where have all the Heroes Gone?

Article: <br/>How to Handle Fear

Editorial:<br/> Elizabeth Schnugh and ISM

Article:<br/>Relationship with Self

Article:<br/>Parenting

Article: <br/>Divorce

Article: <br/>Sex

Article: <br/>Romantic Relationships

Article:<br/>Relationship with Parents

Article: <br/>Stepping over versus suppressing emotions

Article:<br/>Business Relationships

Article:<br/>Marriage

Article: Playing the Nice Guy Ruins Our Kids<br/> as well as our Society